Ouch
A Liverpool fan, an Arsenal fan and a Man Utd fan were all in the Middle East, sharing a smuggled crate of booze.
All of a sudden, the police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in that country, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they were sentenced to death!
However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment.
By a stroke of luck, it was a national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.
As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping." The Arsenal fan was first in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought about this for a while and then said: Please tie a pillow to my back."
This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The Arsenal fan had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain when the punishment was done.
The Man Utd. fan was next up (he almost finished a half-can), and after watching the scene, said: "Please fix two pillows on my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again.
The Liverpool fan was the last one up (he had finished off the crate), but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of the world, your city has some of the best and most loyal football fans in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"
"Cheers mate, your Most Royal and Merciful highness", The Liverpool fan replies. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."
"Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave. "The Sheik says with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?" the Sheik asks.
"Please tie the Man Utd fan to my back."
Zizou Deja vu
This blogger is mad with himself, and wishes he could headbutt the wall.
Another trip, another sports star, another near-miss.
Ouch.
The last time it was Tiger Woods. This time, a famous French footballer.
Went up to Chiang Mai to meet Zizou. That was cool.
And it got way cooler when I was about to take the lift back to my room at the hotel lobby, and out pops the fella.
But here's the frustrating part: I allowed him to walk right me, before I decided to whip out my camera and autograph marker and chase after him.
A moment of hesitance, a period of regret.
He got onto his minibus, and that was the end of my window of opportunity.
No photograph, no autograph.
The last time I had this feeling was in Shanghai, where I stood next to Tiger Woods and his manager like an idiot for 10 mins, and could not bring myself to ask him for the above.
Well, as one friend pointed out: at least that was not Maria Sharapova.
Once bitten, twice still bitten. But yet I hope.
I will score from the third time onwards.
Safe In His Hands
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!
Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Singlish 101
Ah Ter (as in "Arthur") was asked to make a sentence using 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
Not only did he do it 1 to 10, but he also did it again from 10 back to 1.
This is what he came up with.....
1 day I go 2 climb a 3 outside a house to peep.
But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down.
The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me.
I ran until I fell 6 and threw up.
So I go into 7-eleven and grabbed some 8 to throw at him.
Then I took a 9 and try to stab at him.
10 God he run away.
10 I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7-eleven.
Next day I called my boss and told him I was 6.
He said 5, tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work.
He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down.
I don't understand. I am so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1.
A Memorable Meal
Star-studded.
That was the setting last Monday when I had dinner at the largest home in Orchard.
My only problem was this: I had to report on the event, not mingle around and chit chat without thinking about work.
Needless to say, I had little to eat.
There were simply too many VVIPs to follow, thus keeping me away from the makan table.
President, PM, Ministers, officials, athletes - they were all present.
Though last-minute (I filled in for a colleague who was on MC), it was a pleasant experience overall.
Non-stop Makan
I ate for a living on Friday.
Yes, from 1pm-9.30pm.
From Chinatown to Bugis to Orchard.
And the best part? I paid a grand total of $15 for pigging out.
That was enough for an eight-course Teochew lunch at Hung Kang inclusive of yusheng/wine/shark's fin, late afternoon ice-cream at Swensens, and a dinner buffet at Goodwood Park Hotel.
Shiok.
Now to lose all the fat gained, starting with my usual Saturday badminton!
Football reflections
It's tough to be objective when one is a Singaporean, watching your national team in action.
It's doubly worse when the sport is football.
But I was glad I got to be a part of the Kallang Roar for its final-two hurrahs.
Singapore vs Malaysia.
Singapore vs Thailand.
Two 55,000 crowds in five days for a Singapore football match is unheard of in recent memory.
And the events on the pitch ensured that memories of these two games will forever be etched in the minds of those present.
1. A closely fought derby, with a dramatic penalty shootout.
2. A historic win, inclusive of an unprecedented walkout.
Wow.
